The Glamazon Chronicles

Well, Spaces has been good to me and like a man who waits to make sure his new girlfriend is working out before he leaves his old one, I am now leaving Spaces to blog in yet another spot (I actually have been blogging somewhere else before this spot too!).

 

So if you come here looking to see what's up with the OG, I kindly direct you to my new place http://www.theglamchron.blogspot.com/!

 

Same great blogs with out a lot of the other extra stuff!! Enjoy!

 

 

Be EZ,

OG

Ok Ok...I'm kinda back. Well not really but I tought I should share just in case someone decided to check on me in these here parts of the world!!  I won't waste time trying to catch you up, you will find my life is much like a soap opera if you keep on watch long enough you'll figure ourt what's going on pretty quickly. I can't promise any kinda regular blog schedule here, but Imma try to post every now and again.

Friday I signed a contract to build my house. I signed it, it just little old me being responsible for a house. I am so psyched. When I left my house, I  gave myself 2 years to get a new one.  The thing is everything about this house is what I want from the floorplan, where it will be located, and to the lot.  I picked the lot with the help of a good friend.  When I signed the contract, the closing date for my complete home was given to me as 2-28-07. 

That will be pretty much a year to the date I left my house and moved in my apartment.  3-1-05 was the day that we both use as the END of us and the beginning of the next chapter.  It’s funny how cyclical life is.  I hope I close on that day it will be a wonderful FULL CIRCLE MOMENT.  Even if I don’t, when I move in the house I will have met my goal and I love reaching goals.  Something about setting a goal and achieving it, I really love timed goals well when I reach them that is. 

 I’m so excited because this is on my own. I mean my first house was with my ex and he reminded me very much that his parents were a big part of us getting the house and they were. They were great to us and their present allowed us to be able to get married in a big way and move into a home.  Now don’t get it twisted we put money in too, its just that things would have been a lot tighter if not for them.  Good people.  Anyway, this time there are no gifts, no second income, nothing but me.  It’s very scary in a lot of ways, but it is really exciting too. I know I’m a dork.  

 I just want to be able to do on my own, not because I am selfish but I guess because I’m proud.   I just want to be able to take care of myself and not rely on any man to save me.  I think that could be a turn off to many, but that’s me and I have found out there are a few men that appreciate that drive within me! *wink*

 

What else has been going on in my life?   

 Well, I had to talk to my ex recently.  He told me he was getting remarried, to be honest I am surprised it took him so long.  Most men who married tend to remarry, not all the time, but usually.  And many times they marry within 2 years of being divorced.  Anyway can I tell you guys a secret…come in a little closer…closer… I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO ECSTATIC ABOUT SOMETHING IN MY LIFE!!!  I mean I think I am supposed to be the bitter ex-wife, but I’m not.  I would send a gift but that’s not appropriate. Now do I still think my ex has some issue YEP, but that don’t mean he doesn’t deserve to be loved by someone unconditionally we all deserve that at least once in our lives.  Anyway, I have accepted my lot in life to be the evil ex-wife, the reality that we all chose to live in is just that our reality.  *lol*

 What else has been going on…work has been super hectic.  I have been presented with opportunity and I am going to do my best to take advantage of this opportunity.  A job is work but I am happy that I have a job I love doing and allows me to do and invest in things that I really want to do.

 Ok check this out…one my good friends sent this to me. I had to share.  I love Shaq I think he has a great sense of humor and GOD KNOWS I love LeBron!! Anyway peep this and tell me Shaq’s commentary is not funny.

 

 

 As the year comes to an end…

This year has definitely been a growing year.  I mean I have no regrets about anything that has happened or been done by me or to me.  Things happen for a reason. I have learned when you pray for discernment or revelation BE READY!!!

It seems every time I ask God for confirmation about things that I am not clear headed on he answers me in a big way.  Anyway with the new year staring me in the face I am excited.  I just started working on a new plan well 5 year plan.  My plan includes starting a new business venture with friends, taking the GMAT, applying to business school and a plan to begin saving money and doing research for a dream of mine.  Well I gotta go... I got dreams to chase!!

 

Be EZ,

OG

 

 

 

 

 

 

These are my thoughts…. 

This weekend...I decided to do a little soul searching and I asked myself what would I tell the next man who dared to try to love me.  This is what I came up with.  It was very therapuetic.  Not sure if I want to love anyone, however I am learning that sometimes things don't happen when you want them to. I just like flexing my creativity in different ways...hope you like

 

 

To the man who will make me love him: 

 

Hey, we don’t know each other yet.  I mean you don’t know how much you love the nerdy little things I do.  You don’t know that you like the fact that my inside voice and my outside voice only barely differ.  You don’t know that you love my outspokenness and the way I have an opinion about every phucking thing in the world.  You don’t know you love the way I always seem to let you be you, no matter what.  You haven’t felt the comfort of my love yet.  You haven’t felt the warmth of my touch and how much I care.  You don’t know that you phucking hate my outspokenness and how I have an opinion on everything.  You wish you knew how someone so strong, independent, and obstinate to others could make you feel like you are “Da Man” when it came to dealing with things concerning me and you.  You don’t know you are the only one to see my vulnerability, tears, and fears. Or that your voice calms all those things.

 

You don’t know that when I look at you, you can feel my love surround you.  You don’t know that you have experienced an ally so strong and a friend so great, that you wake up to check every morning and see if I am real.  You don’t know that you make me crazy with desire when I think about you thinking about looking at me.  You don’t know that when I look at you that all men will fail in comparison.  You don’t know that when you touch me, I am ready to rock that all night. 

 

You don’t know that my love will open up a world that we’ve never known, because it will be different because my love for you will be unconditional, many have experienced my loyalty, my kindness, and my like; but FEW have experienced my love.  The only reason I am writing you before this love of ours starts is, I may get cold feet and I may get changed before I meet you.  I may decide love is not worth the toll.  I may decide that love is not meant for me or that love is only for those who look, act, or live a certain way. 

 

So just in case I forget how alive loving you will be, or I let someone take my ability away, I want you to make sure that you are you.  I want you to make sure you don’t change anything about yourself.  I want to make sure that you don’t let them change you; because I know that if you remain who you are, there will be no way that I can do anything but love you.  If you are you then there is no way that I can’t love you.  It won’t matter what the world does to me or how it may make me doubt happiness and all those things people write about, if you are you- I will love you, because I have no choice.

 

 I will have no choice to love you because when I look into your eyes I will know that you were made for me.  When you touch me my heart will flutter and my soul will smile.  I may put up a front at first, because many will have come to steal the love I have for you from me, but I will know.  All I say is just let me be me and love me, because I will recognize you by your love, the look in your eyes, and the warmth of your embrace.  . It won’t be easy loving me, but it will be very worth it.

 

Ok, well I have to go now, I am not sure if we have met yet. I am not sure if I will even like you when I meet you, however I am sure that if you love me just a little perhaps I might give up the armor around my heart and trust you with it, just remember I do all this heart protection because love is life changing and losing love is gut wrenching, two things that really scare me.  I don’t want fear to make me miss you, but maybe it already has.   If it hasn’t and you are still around, just lean in, look me in my eyes and say “Monique, just take a chance and trust me with your heart.”  I can’t promise I will, but I will try to trust you with my heart and hopefully love you and that is more than I have done in a very long time. 

 

 

Your love,

The eternal optimist

 

 

Be Ez,

OG

I woke up this morning and thanked God for this 33^rd year of my life.  At this moment my mortality has been slapping me in the face.  My friend lost a brother this weekend, he was only 32.  So I am MOST grateful that I have lived to see my 33^rd birthday. 

 

As I lay in bed my phone rang and of course it was my Mom.  As always she was the first person to wish me a happy birthday.  I got ready for work and headed in and found on my desk a beautiful vase of roses, from a co-worker.  She and her daughter picked them out for me, I was so very surprised. Then I logged into 360 and boy all the birthday messages are flowing, if I haven’t said thank you, I will there are just a lot of wishes coming into me at this moment. 

 

My mom just came down and gave me a card and a piece of carrot cake.  The card had me all teary eyed at work.  Anyway, I have been thinking a lot about my life as I approach this birthday. I mean last year on my birthday it was the beginning of a very hard period for me; I struggled in finding my single self and what that really meant.  I mean I had been part of a couple for a very long time.  I mean I had gotten use to companionship and the novelty of being alone and single had started to wear off and 32 is when I really worked out what I think being single looks like for me. 

 

I mean what I realize is that being single looks different from everyone.  I mean we are all human and we are all unique and different in how we handle the same situations.  There really is no magic pill, book, or person who can lead us to our own happiness.  Happiness begins in you, and I know I blog a lot about men and women and relationships and random crap, but the reality is no matter what rules, books, or people you decide to follow for love, success, and happiness.  All of those things begin in you.  You have to love you.  You have to see yourself as a success.  You have to be happy with you. 

 

That is what it really boils down to, being your friend.  Before I turned 32 I thought I was happy with me.  And I was, on a very superficial level.  What unfolded for me at 32 made me stop regroup and do a few things.  I began making myself spend alone time with me.  I realized that I had become comfortable just being around others when I got uncomfortable in my aloneness (not so much loneliness…but that sometimes).  I had never lived by myself so I never had to really learn to be comfortable by myself.  I went from home, to school (4 roommates), to single life (1 roommate), to marriage (a husband), to divorce (NO ROOMMATE).  Before I was divorced I was so grateful for alone time because it never came, there was never too much of it, because I had rarely had any in my entire adult life. 

 

Then after I left my husband I would just fill my time up being busy with men, friends, work, and life.  So alone time again was welcome.  Then there were several events that lead me to force myself to be alone even when I didn’t want to.  Man that is how you really make yourself grow. You face you when you don’t want to be around you.  I really think that has helped me so much, because now I recognize when things are me.  I see when I am being an azz and even with men, I tend to look at situations with them and know when it’s me, when it’s him, and when it is a little of both.  I know that I won’t just be in a relationship because I am lonely or it demonstrates relationship qualities or because there is no reason for me not to be in one. 

 

I will only be in a relationship if I can trust him with my heart (the most important thing) and I have learned that, takes much longer than I have ever really given a man.  I mean I have trusted a few men with my heart and I don’t regret it, not because some didn’t hurt my heart, but because with each I learned what I did right to trust them and what I did wrong in trusting them.  I also learned to love me TOTALLY. 

 

I began to love me when I am sitting in the dark, alone, no pretense, and no show. That is when you look at all the things about you.  The reason it is so hard to love you is because you know all the bad things about you, all the horrible things you say when no one is listening and think.  I learned at 32 what I thought I already was doing. I learned to LOVE me, but not just the public facing me. 

 

See that was the difference that was the piece that was missing for so long.  I loved me, but I loved the Monique that everyone else saw, you know the loud, funny, smart, Monique, the Original Glamazon Monique, the on her grind Monique, the good friend Monique.  I did not love the private Monique.  The insecure about her looks Monique, the struggling with her weight Monique, and the looking for validation of love Monique.  The summer of 32 made me face all of that.  Made me look Monique, public and private, in her face and say you know what you are not perfect and you are not good, but you are not bad either.  You are you and you are beautiful in all your imperfections, because those imperfections MAKE YOU YOU.  That was my REAL ah ha moment.  I am so glad I had it.  I mean I thought I had it before, but now I know I really got it.  Even when I may forget, it does comeback.

 

It has been a journey to 33 and there have been some very dark times during that journey, but at the same time I wouldn’t trade one tear.  I am happy to say that where I am today is a better place than I was last year and I will try my best to be better next year than I was this year.  If I can’t grow, then what am I living for.? Life is about learning and living and growing.

 

So to all who have wished me a Happy Birthday, thank you!! Thank you and I wish you guys the same peace, love, and serenity I feel in my heart at this moment.  God, 33 is going to be a very good year for me.  I can feel it!

 

Be EZ,

OG   

If you are local and live in the H (Houston , for those that are slow) and are looking for something "academic" to do, check out the following event at Rice Cinema.   ARUBA (Association of Rice University Black Alumni) is co-sponsoring an event about Oscar Micheaux.  Below is all the info you need.  I think it would be great for the kids (you know OG love da kids!!  well other people's) and anyone who wants to know more about African-Americans in Film. 

 

You guys have a great long weekend, if you have one.  A Happy Holiday if you celebrate it (Easter, The Resurrection, or Passover <--which was yesterday) and I will see you, when I see you.  OK OK ...I will probably see you on Monday.

Be EZ,

OG

This week is S.O.S, Send One Suit.  I have been involved with the Dress For Success probably as long as I have been a real professional.  I think helping someone help them self is really where it is at.  Dress for Success is so special to me because I remember how expensive it is to get an interview suit and I remember a time when I couldn’t afford it, luckily for me I always had family to help.  Not everyone has family.  I also love Dress for Success because I know that my stuff really is being used, I really feel like I am paying it forward when I donate my suits or help in suit drives.  I have seen some of the women who get the suits and it is amazing how something so simple gives them the confidence they need in the interview.  So, if you have a chance check out the site, see how you can help in your city.  Dress for Success.

 

Be EZ,

OG 

 

 

I had a "friend" who once told me he wasn't the ONE,  but he was my John the Baptist.(You know to tell me the ONE was coming, actually that is WAAAAAAAAAAY deeper than you guys could ever know).  I am beginning to think he was right. I am a waiting for the other shoe to drop girl, but we shall see.   

 

I know this blog is more cryptic and less verbose than what I normally write, but hey I've been busy, man.  All I have to say is my life is soooooooooooooooo good right now.  I was thinking about how this time last year was kinda of a roller coaster for me, I am about to be 33 in a month in a few days and LET ME TELL YOU, this birthday is going to be even better than the last.  I miss you guys, but work has me busy and YES I LOVE my new J.  It is COMPLETELY AWESOME, I was made for it and it was made for me, this is the place I think I will grow and thrive.  Char I'll be calling soon, time to take this life to the next level!

 

Renee, put on your dancing shoes we doing something next weekend FO' SHO'!!

 

 

Be EZ,

OG

Nothing more to vent ...people will be people and all you can do is be you! Thanks for the advice Daddy.

 

Be EZ,

OG

Dear <you know exactly who you are>,

 

Look its been  a while now, dude.  I mean over a year. You phucked up and I chose not to play any more.  Get over being the victim already! I got phucked over in this thing too, but I choose to live, learn, and let love!

 

I am sorry Spaces someone just mentioned something to me and I just can't believe that this person still is talking about me and writing about me.  And now I am writing about them?  Why can't you be like most people and move on. I hear you gotta girl and I know if I was your girlfriend your need to talk about what I'm doing and who I'm doing would worry me, but hey I am not your girlfriend or your wife anymore!! Thank God.  I am adult enough to admit I am human and I made some mistakes, but bitterness ain't gonna get me.  No sir.  I just feel sorry for you that you have to tell a twisted truth to get sympathy from the masses.  Yeah, I am human and I phuck up regularly and I try to be good which is why I go to church, however putting you on blast is not what I want to do. You don't see me blogging about your business and you inability to handle it in our marriage. Ops I  just did.  The real problem is I decided to do what I wanted and you have labeled it as a being a follower, however if I had followed you like the ones you employ it wouldn't have been a problem.  Good leaders know how to follow and when to follow.  Think about that. 

 

I am sorry I had to get on this low road but damn if I hear one more thing about the things being said about me I am going to explode.  Since I doubt you ever read my blog (cause I know I only hear about yours) I am sure one of your friends will tell you I wrote this open letter. I am sure you may respond and tell people I was in altered state when I wrote it and think your corny jokes funny, like I said whatever it takes.  People who put people down to feel better about themselves, well I pity those people. Me I'm not gonna put you down and call out your faults and what you did, I am just gonna wish you twice as much joy and happiness as I am having.  You know you really should stop the hating, its not attractive at all, plus you have so much going on for you,  you really shouldn't have to hate at all. You are a GREAT MAN and someone will be or maybe (like I said I only hear not my biz to confirm or deny whats going on in your bedroom) is now very appreciative of the things you do and who you are. Maybe one day I'll make it over there to actually read the disparaging half-truths you wrote, nah on second thought, you keep that negative energy.  I have learned the hard way to let go of it and move on.  No time in my world to hate just to love. I love you man and only wish the best for you, see that is what true love really is, it  is about being able to hope and wish the best for someone even when they have hurt you to the core and broke your spirit.  There was a time when I was bitter and I said mean and evil things out of anger about you, but never really in public or in this blog.  I will continue to only say things about you that are in relation to me sorting my feelings out about our story and what went wrong with it.  I  mean I did say a lot of phucked up things while we were together, but so did you.  I just have chosen to take the high roads in regards to the things you did to me and not try to use your mistakes in life to make you look like a bad person.  I find that being positive is the best way to live life.  Best wishes in all that you do, one love.

 

Be EZ,

OG